Thursday, July 1, 2010

The first day of the rest of my life as a person living with Sarcoidosis

I am sitting at a TOPS SRD meeting in Everett, Wa and realize I can't move anymore without GREAT pain. I am already on lots of vicodin and its not helping. I take some more and not relief. I am at a loss. I want to make the pain stop but I have been told recently by a medical proffesional "You are just going to have to deal with pain for the rest of your life" WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME NO KILL ME FIRST PLEASE. So now its Saturday morning and I need to goto the last day of the SRD confrence and so I make my way to Goodwill and pray they have a walker for sale. I buy a walker and use it to move around the rest of the day at SRD. I am 35 years old. I should not need a walker. I shouldn't need to wear pads so I don't pee on myself becasue I can't walk to the bathroom fast enough...well can't stand fast enough. I just cant live life like this.

I don't drive home Saturday night becuase I am to sore so I stay the night then drive home Sunday afternoon about 80 miles. I get home and have the walker in the trunk of the car and call my husband to help me get my things out of the car. He does not know the walker is in the trunk. Before I can prepare him he has poped the trunk open and grabs two bags runs upstairs and doesnt say anything. He comes back downstairs to the car and says lets grab dinner.

When we get to dinner I tell him I need the walker to get into Taco Bell he says no I don't. So I proceed to take 5 minutes to just stand up out of the car. I then take another 5 minutes to get inside. (we are parked infront of the door 6 steps away if that) He had already been talking about me waiting to goto the Dr in the morning on Monday but he then says to me while making our way into Taco Bell....When do you want to go to the hospital before or after we eat.

Well I know hospitals so I know that if I dont eat now I wont be eating anytime soon. So I decide to eat dinner besides we have made it a few steps already towards the door. I am NOT STOPING NOW.....

At the hospital they admit me as I would not have made it home because I live on the 3rd floor thats a lot of steps and I cant make it two and especially up a stair. That starts my next story that I am going to let my husband tell. I spend 10 days in the hospital. More to come later.